As sad as I am and as broken as my heart is I am grateful.
I am grateful that Posie chose to spend her short life with me.
I am grateful for every second I spent with her. She made my soul smile.
I am grateful that my partner is kind, loving, supportive and "gets it".
I am grateful for all the wonderful animals that I still have.
I am grateful for the love and heartfelt understanding that was showered on me.
I am grateful for my belief system that makes times like this livable.
I am grateful I still have Masher and Harmony to be able to repeat the breeding.
I am grateful that I love so deeply and madly that losing her hurts so very bad.
I am grateful to my paint foal I lost that taught me that each soul has it's own path.
I am grateful that even tho I was not with her when she died I KNOW her soul knew how much I truly loved her.
I am grateful to every loss I have had because I know life goes on.
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”
My perfect Posie, I miss you so very much and I can't wait until I can hold you again.
This game we play is a tough one.
I have a cute little typey bitch named Harmony that I wanted to breed to Chase for her first litter and then to Masher for her second litter. I bred her to Chase with fresh chilled semen and it did not take. So I decided to breed her to Masher with a live cover so that she could be proven.
Harmony had 4 beautiful puppies. We were only planning on keeping a girl but a certain little boy ( Cutter) made sure that he was staying here with us. So we kept Flasher and Cutter.
I was so happy that I got just what I wanted in Flasher, cute, typey and the best temperament... and Daneen got just what she wanted in Cutter, a mini-me of Masher, crazy Drivey and cute!
I am thrilled with what we got in this litter.
Flasher had the cutest trick. She would leap into your hands when you said "hup"! She was starting to get more air and she was oh so proud of herself. She already had the conformation stacking down!!! She was such a pro at posing that her nickname was "Posie". I could not wait to start showing her. The mission circuit was going to be her debut.
Flasher swallowed a penny and made it through the surgery but died the next day from Zinc poisoning.
I found out Flasher had died when we landed in VA for the AKC Agility National. Being at the National was in a way a blessing tho it was very hard on Masher as he is such a sensitive boy and could not figure out why we were both so sad and crying ... lots. I can't imagine how hard it was for Daneen to get her focus and run agility because I know I was in the stands crying. By the time the competition started I tried to hold it together for both Daneen and Masher, but still found myself crying in the middle of the night. Thank you to everyone at the National and at home for the kind words, hugs, flowers and for just crying with us. It brought us much comfort.
I believe we are all energy and dieing is not the end.... we just become a part of everything else. After we came home I was sitting in the yard enjoying the beautiful day and watching Cutter, Dancer and the little Collie pups play. I was crying. Then the tiniest ladybug flew close to me and did these loop de loo manuevers and it made me think of Posie and I smiled.
I believe we all work towards our greater good as all is as it should be. I don't understand why she is gone but I am open to the lesson.
I am planning on repeating the breeding. I know that there will never be another Perfect Posie but that does not mean there can't be a wonderful little girl for me to love. I trust the Universe. I trust the Universe will send me exactly what I need ..... and my heart is open to that.
I know it is very odd for one of my blog post's to not have any photos...... but I am sitting here crying and I just can't look at her photos just yet. I thought I could and I went to her file on my computer and opened it and none of the photos came up.... it's a sign.... I am just not ready. So when I can I will add my favorite photos of her here.... and maybe even the video of her learning the teeter :)